I Have a Theory

by Cowboy Bob Sorensen

I have a theory, which is mine. It is about the brontosaurus. Wait, that was someone else. My theory, which is mine, may seem overwhelming to prosaic minds, but give it some consideration and you'll see why it is excellent. And it's mine.

Cowboy Bob Sorensen came up with a dreadful theory
My picture was modified through blatant misuse of FotoSketcher, Paint.Net, and Clker clipart

Origin of a Theory

Organizing The Question Evolution Project, as well as my interests in biblical creation science, apologetics, false religions, logic, and so forth, cause me read quite a bit of material, watch videos, listen to audio, and write very long sentences. Some information was stored in my mental filing cabinet over the years, and I was pondered the efficacy of writing a detailed essay or even a book. The subject was the relationship between evolutionism and New Age religions, science history, Hinduism, paganism, and the like. Indeed, I had written on similar topics before, but wanted to go into greater depth.

When listening to an audio version of the 1989 book The Long War Against God by Dr. Henry Morris, I realized that he covered much of the material that was in my mental file. Outrageous!

My Theory

I wondered how my material could already exist in a book that was published 28 years before I was encountering it. Then, like sitting on a hill all night wondering where the sun went after it set, it dawned on me: telepathy, time travel and theft.

Morris sensed my thoughts in the future, (knowing it would be long after he had passed away), and used them in his book in 1989. This was because I'm an author and becoming influential in biblical creation science. He had a ministry and was established as a respected author, so he was able to develop the ideas that he read in my mind.

Why My Theory Stinks

First of all, the word theory is used almost as much as a coffee pot at a cowboy campfire. That word means something far different to people of science than it does to us reg'lar folk. Someone might say, "I have a theory...", which may be something that has been brewing in the back of the mind for a spell, or is a thought that just occurred to the person.

In science (and I'm vastly oversimplifying here), a hypothesis is proposed to explain an observed phenomenon. If a hypothesis is supported by evidence and repeated testing, it becomes a theory and is awarded a clean stall in the stable. Theories are used to interpret observations and facts, but may well be put out to pasture if they're disproved. Facts, however, pretty much remain facts, but interpretations can change — especially when new evidence comes to light. 

My theory, which belongs to me, is really a just-so story. If someone will accept telepathic time travel, my laughable claim to be important and worth having my thoughts copied, then that person may believe practically anything. After all, I have no evidence whatsoever to support those claims; nothing can be observed, repeated, tested.

Therefore, my theory is not.

Evolutionists have a passel of so-called theories, but many are not even hypotheses, they are simply speculations. Still, they get paid mucho dinero for pontificating sciency stuff that has no observable evidence, no plausible models, cannot be tested or repeated, but can sound believable to people who have a mind to accept such things in the first place. Sort of like evolution, which is actually not a theoryCosmology is also disqualified. A bit of critical thinking and demands for evidence from other people can stop some of those jaspers in their tracks. I could have been a well-paid evolutionist, since I could lasso a dream and sell it for money — if my conscience would clam up so I could do that.

"But what about Dr. Morris, Cowboy Bob?"

Brilliant man of God, put a great deal of effort into his research, led the Institute for Creation Research for many years. Even if I was important, he would have no need of my thoughts, since he had plenty of his own to develop. Also, I fully believe that his integrity would not let him steal. He had some faults in his writing, which includes some concepts that creationists have decided are not worth using (I believe he promoted the canopy model, which I also taught in the 1990s, which is largely rejected by literate creationists nowadays.) It's startling to go through The Long War Against God and notice things he was pointing out are still valid, and even more important, today.

So, I tossed a theory into the air like a silver dollar and put a bullet hole through it. A bit of humor with some teaching as well. Also, my presentation of my spurious theory was far less annoying than Anne Elk's presentation of her own theory about the brontosaurus, you gotta grant me that!